Friday, October 20, 2006

can i get you a beer?

MAN! my roof is banging in the wind.. so LOUD! too high to get up and fix it.. it's hell out there it's all cold and rainy and shitty and windy as fuck and i can't garden in conditions like that! hopefully this saturday i will score the steel mesh, and put up my greenhouses so i have enough of a windbreak in the front yard to do shit without all the dirt and manure flying into my eyes and across the paddock. my garlic chives have sprouted and a few more victims, i mean, tomatoes are pushing their little green selves up through the poo.. and my lettuce is looking strangely edible, as is the rhubarb growing out of the old toilet but i have to get my head around that before putting it in my mouth. the strawberry is particularly happy but no berries yet.. slack fuck. i told it this morning.. i pointed to an old flower bud on it and said, "look mate, that better be a fucken strawberry" then i laughed into the pot as i realised how agi-tarded that would have looked to someone that wasn't me. so i now expect my strawberries to spring forth with a sense of humour and the ability to get frustrated at, oh, just about everything. i picked up six garbage bags of poo yesterday off the side of the road, it was real hot and by the time i got home, my car smelt like a horses ass. i filled my wheelbarrow with bath water and shit and now it's turd soup and covered in flies.. ready to splosh on the garden. SO not game to do it in the wind. went to the tip and did some dumpster diving and made off with a whole backseat full of newspapers (to lay down as a base for the garden beds and kill the grass).. laid big logs from felled tree as garden edging and am nearly ready to lay beds and plant them with seed which just shows you how much of a nature dork i have become as this makes me really excited. i am worried about slugs eating all my seedlings so i'll have to start planting those beer traps everywhere.. you cut the top off a plastic bottle then turn the top upside down and fasten it back onto the bottle body.. sort of like a funnel with a reservoir underneath.. then you bury it so that the lip of the contraption is at ground level. then you fill it with beer. slugs and snails, being utter pissheads cannot resist the smell of the beer and come slithering to fall into the trap and drown happily. fuckers. DIE! i've been wondering what the freak i'm going to do with that godawful southern cross beer that's been in the back of the datto for the last year! i used to use a can of it to chock up the bootlid! actually i don't even think the friggin slugs would drink it. still have two bottles of pure blonde but i dunno if they'd be into low carbo beer either.. i may have to go and buy some cheap, stinky cooper's stout, or bott some homebrew off my mate.. heh i was thinkin the other night about just how puritan you could get about the integrity of your vegetable garden.. and how would you express this to others in the know? for example if someone was REEEEALLY gothic i would say "she is so gothic, she shits bats".. so if a person was a bit overzealous about the whole green purity thing i thought i would say "yep.. she's sure got organic homebrew in HER slug traps" then i realised that was gay. aside from the fact that NOBODY would EVER get that, well... it's just gay. like sigmund's taste in literature. we all have our homo bits. let us gay out with pride!

1 Comments:

Blogger Jennifer said...

Home grown rhubarb *dool* Even if it was grown in a toilet...

6:00 PM  

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