cow population in crisis

what happened to the last few days?! oh yeah.. i was whacked out in front of knight's tv! it all started with his housewarming on saturday.. i sang songs in public on the birthday guitar.. yay for the temporary usurping of fear of performance! there was much food and drinking, resulting in two known vomittings and one known hangover.. and man. i just had a shit that felt like it was expando-foaming while caught perilously in my sphincter.. i put it down to the insane amount of meat that was consumed.. it rained snags and patties.. the humble beef cow has been plunged into near non existence as a direct result of the bbqing frenzy.. and trying to push a jammed turd made of rock out of your split and bleeding ring is always a sign that you've had a good aussie weekend, and consumed your own body weight in bovine carrion.. morning after the party, there was another bbq up the road. fuck. i feel a poo coming on and i am gripped with fear. can i hold it for a few days until the split has healed? stay tuned for the next exciting episode of bowel girl and the torn hole of pain. brought to you by "the save our last nine known cows" organisation.