Monday, June 29, 2009

bed's-a-burning

how can i sleep while my bed is burning?

indeed

today i had the electric blanket cranked up to the highest setting as i was sitting in bed fucking around on the net.. there were five blanket/doonah/coverlet thingies on the bed.. i had most of it scooched up behind me so i was leaning back on the blanky pile..

then there was this awful smell..

i heard tractors and a truck outside in the paddock next door so i thought it must have been some nasty exhaust or engine oil burning or some shit...

i kept buggerising around on the laptop..

then about five minutes later, i smelled it again.. but this time it was way too strong to be from ten metres away.. i got out of bed and turned around and there's the cat sitting on a pile of smoking doonahs, looking at me as if there was nothing wrong..

FUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!

i unplugged everything, grabbed the laptop (fuck the cat!) and went downstairs to get some wet towels.. i thought of getting the hose but i was in my socks and i didn't wanna overreact and douse the fucker cause i had to sleep on the thing tonight..

fucked if i know what pile of shit the fire hydrant is under..

note to self; put hydrant in some memorable place..

i got a big steel bowl and put towels in it.. then i went back upstairs and shooed the cat away- and the fucker actually looked resentful... what is it with cats and their heat threshold?! they must be from HELL or something..

so i started peeling layers off expecting the whole thing to flame up as soon as it was exposed to air.. but hooray for fire retardant bedding!

the big glob of doonahs had a black smouldering core like some white dwarf and fuck! the SMELL! the electric blanket was made from wool so i dunno if you guys have ever smelled hair burning but it's of similar grossness..

i ripped off the smoking mess chucked it on the floor and plonked sopping wet towels all over the black bits..

then i found the crap that wasn't burning.. but singed.. and all melted together.. and stinking like hell.. it got through the wool of the lecky blanket, through the sheet, through a thick matress protector and melded to my mattress! one pillow and cover look like some botched bedding teleporter experiment i can't tell which bit is which.. and my doonah cover if fried.. and my sheet.. and protector..

dunno if i'll ever get the stench out of everything else.. guh

but atleast now i can justify getting some nice new bedding..

so.... YAY?!

jesus christ!

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