the lizards of paperwaste

hi all.. am procrastinating about cleaning up my bachelorette pad, which is in a fucking SORRY state.. as the party is on tomorrow night.. i'm chucking a mars bonfire party.. i got sent this same email from two different mates going on about how mars is going to look as big as the full moon this weekend so i thought i'd commandeer a telescope and chuck a party.. everyone must come dressed as martians and we must burn as much of the chainsawed tree carnage as possible - as i'm so over providing huntsmans with a breeding ground and tripping on logs in the dark! i looked into the so called mars phenomenon and found it was a hoax but am going to don my antennae anyway.. apparently there is lots of jupiter to look at this week! just got back from a three day bender which led to a terribly paranoid sobering up period in the midst of which i read an email from my ex fiance who told me he'd figured out i was the love of his life after having sex with another woman.. man! compared to the demons that were ripping my sanity apart after said bender, his amateur attempt at the inducement of emotional gymnastics made me laugh through that snorty sounding part of my nose normally reserved for the detection of bullshit.. and that made me proud as it clearly indicates i am healing well.. ofcourse the pillow still has no heartbeat.. but it doesn't try and fuck you around when it feels sorry for itself either.. and i'm seeing most of my mates tomorrow without having to drive for two hours!!! at the rate of cleaning i am currently employing, they'll be lucky to be able to find a free piece of floor to crash on.. i ripped down some more chimney and the loft balustrade so i hope no one falls off!! among many and varied livingroom contents are a huge pile of wood with nails sticking out of it, a half tonne of assorted powertools and a wheelbarrow full of chimney bricks.. sleeping arrangements are looking both scarce and dusty not to mention highly structurally unsound.. yet i know it'll all be alright on the night.. hey an oddity/friend-of-mine told me she was in the public toilets washing her hands the other day and saw a sign warning her against "the lizards of paper waste" how can something so hilarious NOT be crude?! this is the same girl who just randomly inserts comments like "yay for cheese!" into a conversation.. it's spooky she looks so normal! except when she does this!........................