Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Mt Chuckmore

got reo, got compost, will garden.. right after this.. well it finally happened. trailer dude leant me and daniel the mega trailer, dan hitched it to his beast of an assault vehicle, and we took off across the state to pick up the steel. just before we left, i go are we taking the dogs? hoping he'd say no as they are cute for rottweilers but slobber heaps.. and he goes.. i'm thinkin about it.. actually yeah we'll take them.. i was fine with it until fifteen minutes down the road the farts started.. he goes oh yeah i forgot about that.. they're farting heaps today. and i mean FULL ON DOG FARTS.. so about six hours of driving passes and i think we must've set the world record for amount of times power windows were used in one trip. so i've come to the conclusion now that dogs pretty much suck balls. i know i complain about the cat alot. because he's fucked. dogs are so much worse. when my cat barfs it's a small handful. when i got up a little hungover the next day at daniel's place, a ground pizza the size of a dinner plate greeted me on the livingroom carpet. with bits of dry dogfood sticking out of it. baby cack yellow. i tentatively stepped over it aiming my ass for the couch and there it was. the dinner plate size puddle now looking like a mere flirtation with regurgitation as near the base of the couch rose the heights of the majestic mount chuckmore.. the gargantuan sequel. i didn't know sloppy stuff could pile up like that. generally it flattens out to a slick but i guess all the partially digested dry food gave the core of it some solidity. if i had festooned myself in hiking gear and set out just before noon i think i would've reached the summit by about ten at night. it just wasn't something i ever wanted to find. ew. ew. ew. so there's poor daniel waking up to a "meaty bite" surprise and having to clean it all up. then it dawned on me.. dogs have masters, cats have slaves eh? ok so i'm a slave right? but all my "master" bids me do, is feed him and pat him and very occasionally wipe up a small amount of barf that he has decided not to re-eat.. now.. daniel's a master right? but he has to make sure the door is open or shut so they can get in and out, take them for walks all the time, stop them attacking people's pets they may encounter on the way, have his entire house coated in drool, his lawn peppered with turds the size of soft drink cans, the cacophany of spontaneous barking, the cost and trial of lugging constant truckloads of dogfood back to the nest, only to have it regurgitated on the carpet after a blurry eyed big night and let's not forget THE PAL FARTS.. so dude! cat me! ENSLAVE ME!!! dogs are crap. unless they're small dogs. that ARE NOT white and fluffy. and are extremely well behaved.. but even then.. the fart issue cannot be ignored. wrong. wrong. wrong.

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