home is where the dust is

ok so two full trailer loads of rubbish, three op shop garbage bags, and FIVE empties of the vacuum cleaner later.. i keep thinking i'm nearly there and then i remember i gotta.. like mortar up half a wall or sort through ten boxes of crap before i can carry on.. it's been two weeks.. i'm pretty sure i have the black lung.. but end in sight..

i still got about five or six kitchen cupboards to chug through.. sorting and chucking and re-organising.. then the bathroom needs a good going over.. laundering all dusty fabric things that were on display (costumes, etc) then i gotta vacuum all the cobwebs off the ceiling and wall studs.. then i gotta re-wipe every horizontal surface and clean off the encrusted light fixtures and mop the floor and THEN i can turn on the split system.. after that.. i'm not doing anything but light housework for a fucking YEAR..

and i've done NO HOMEWORK so i'm going into methods blind tomorrow but what can i do.. i missed a class on the holidays for specialist too so she'll be talkin chinese to me thursday night.. i dunno.. i'm supposed to be in bed cos i gotta get up to make the trek in at the crack of why-the-fuck-am-i-awake.. but i've become totally nocturnal over the last two weeks.. goddammit!

i gotta shower yet.. wash a bucket of dust out of my hair.. dry it.. pack.. i have absolutley no motivation.. don't worry i'm not giving up i know i must just be in a bad place to think that.. and it will pass.. guh.. l feel like shitbag failure.