eggsac

the chooks are startin to lay again.. they have lush new feather coats after moulting.

i really need to whippersnip the grass..

i keep finding BULLANTS around the sink.. always curled up in the dishcloth and last night.. i pulled back the doonah and there was one just hanging out in my bed!! plus a bonus hornet.. if i cut the grass i'll be able to find the nest and obliterate it.. i just have no idea where they're marching from.. god they're huge.

and hornets pfff don't even get me started. those red, bulbously assed motherfuckers are everywhere.. i killed about ten last night. must be a nest in a nearby tree.. they are from hell. you swat them.. they get up and buzz off like nothing happened.. you swat them REPEATEDLY and they stagger for a bit but are generally unharmed. i've swatted a few of them so hard their heads have come off and the seperate bits have still been moving when i walk past like ten minutes later.. the little antennae still waving around.. so fucking creepy.

anyway i've been studying trigonometry MADLY for the past three days straight and i swear to god i need glasses my eyes are fuzzy with triangles..

i have a methods sac on antidifferentiation (if you don't know.. don't ask) tomorrow.. then a sac for english the day after then ANOTHER antidifferentiation sac for specialist the day after that.. and i haven't even started with the DIFFERENTIATION let alone the antidifferentiation.. but from what i can gather it's pretty easy.. cept for the specialist shit that incorporates alot of trigonometry INTO the calculus.. cause one subject at a time would be too easy.. fuckers..

anyway i have such uber eye strain i'm really loathe to start squinting at more numbers but FFS i better start like.. YESTERDAY..

still coughing up chunks of lung now and again but for the most part i'm better.. just in time to get to school without being prepared at all.. i'd like to say i can rest after this weeks mad testing catch up but i can't cause there's ANOTHER fucking round of sacs NEXT WEEK for which i will have four days to prepare..

then again.. it's only three months til exams then i'm free for like a month or two to figure out where all this shit will take me! canberra? sell church? bendigo? open uni? i never really wanted to do correspondence schooling EVER AGAIN but the more i hear about university these days the more i realise that it's all pretty much correspondance these days..

i mean you can download a lecture and listen to it in your own home.. or you can turn up to uni and sit and listen to a pre-taped lecture there.. i really wanted to be able to bounce off a live person who knew what the fuck they were talking about.. a professor of the knowledge i want.. but there is a massive skills shortage as far as science teaching is concerned so they all fuck off overseas where the money's better.. don't blame them.. it just means.. well.. i guess i'm just pissed off to know that i'll be getting into an ungodly amount of debt for just a piece of paper.. i thought uni would be about connection with like minded people you could learn from.. but not now..

it's a business and they will give you what costs them the least and charge you the most. ah well. i suppose racking up debt is just modern life for you really isn't it? you're either doing it by having kids or a mortgage or an education or combinations of those..

i'm just so sick of worrying about money. sometimes i think about inheritance and actually yearn for it. that's how bad it is right now. i'm actually inadvertantly wishing my dad would shuffle off the coil before he pisses his recent inheritance up against the wall.. he's not really living anyway. and it's not like i want the guy around he's an asshole. but i still feel so dirty for thinking like that.

sigh. you think your life is hard now? mm. well it just gets harder. and harder. and harder. until the crushing weight flattens you. and just when there's hardly anything left of you as a person.. that's prolly when the money will arrive. you'll most likely find out you have cancer the next day.

why is the air like custard?