Friday, November 27, 2009

Lobelia Marjoram

that's two plants. not a cunt part.. speaking of which i have a new one.. a tiny flesh tag has decided to sprout right next to my hoo hoo. i ripped it off and man it bled a shitload but i think those things actually grow back. sigh. getting old is gross. next hair will start pushing itself out of my chin.

plus i have a singlet sunburnt onto my back. the evil daystar strikes again.. i was dressed to garden in cold n rainy weather but then it got kinda muggy so i stripped off n kept workin away n the sun came out from behind the clouds a few times but didn't stay out at all.. but when i got inside i went to scratch the back of my neck and went OOOOOOW!

thank fuck i was workin with my back to it or i'd have redface as well as a red neck. yee haw.

and after all this rain, the soil is SATURATED.. it's so wet it's just WAITING hornily for me to finish digging it over so i can shoot my seed into it.. hehe..

everything around me is rooting. those harlequin bugs gettin round ass to ass.. birds doin their come-fuck-me dances.. plants bursting into pollen heavy flowers n bees pimping em out.. dirty bastards.

i really need to get the irrigation in before i plant but man.. it's a big job and i've just finished the gargantuan task of making a net trellis for the almond grove and putting bird net over it.. plus i've dug up and turned over and chopped up over 200 square metres of garden beds which has really really fucked me.

all that studying has made me SO unfit!!! just sitting there day after day while my muscles friggin atrophied has made me SOFFFFFFT!!!!!

no kidding i'm gettin carpal tunnel just from gripping the shovel.. but i'll be fit in a few more weeks of ass-bustery and the garden will be fucking sweet this year.. provided i actually get off my fucking fat arse and get the irrigation in..

strawberries are going fucking BALLISTIC throwin up fruit like no-one's business but millipedes have been hollowing out about 95% of them. i always go to pick them and go OH here's one that i can EAT! and i'll turn it over and it'll be full of creepy black insectoid eels. found out they're not actually insects on account of em havin so many leggies.. so what are they? fucking annoying that's what.. i dunno molluscy things? meh regardless they're not insects so insecticides don't kill them.. all i can do is remove their food supply; they live on decaying matter so i had to strip back all the mulch which will carry it's own badness over summer..

i usually let the chooks out when i'm weeding or digging or clearing under plants or moving garden refuse cause as soon as i lift something up they rush in and start eating all the unearthed bugs. which is awesome.. they LOVE earwigs and spiders and slugs and slaters but for some fucking reason they just won't eat the millipedes..

it's weird to think that by eating their ovulations i am indirectly eating slugs and earwigs.. mmm. buggered if i know how they digest all that slug slime.. i can't even get it off my gloves.. so disgusting.. fuckin bug jizz.

soooooooo i guess imma be planning a planting schedule.. got me whiteboard out.. rubbed off exam study flow chart.. now to replace it with a harvest flow chart.. nerd much? successive planting is sweet cause it means you don't get ten tonnes of something all at once.. but you have to be real organised or it all gets really confusing.. when and where have i/did i even plant that yet/already?!

cherries are looking amazing.. and this year i actually got round to netting them so i won't have to pick and eat them while they're still crunchy and half sour just to beat the fuckin birds and possums.. oh i can't WAIT they look so delicious hanging off the tree in clusters. shame it's not a bigger tree though.. i'll prolly only get a kilo or two..

same with apricots and mandarines and plums and apples and olives.. almonds however should be fantastic this year.. seeing as pretty much all of them will be MINE!!! parrots and possums can SUCK MY BALLS.

Nets are ACE, i dunno how much i'll get cause you can never tell how much is nut until you shell them after hullsplit.. but a kilo or two of almonds will last me a month whereas a kilo or two of cherries might last me a few days hehe.. mnmnmnmnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnom

the currants and gooseberries and raspberries aren't looking too flash this season but i really let the grass rape them while i was busy studying.. i'm surprised they're still alive i had to practically go on fuckin safari to find them.. with all their sunlight blocked out and sharing all their nutrients with weeds.. it's amazing they survived enough to put up a few flowers.. meh

imma try makin sundried tomatoes this year.. i did some a few years ago but i didn't put salt on them as they were drying so they were all weird and sweet.. like fucked up craisins.. actually imma try alot of preservation this year.. i have a feelin it's gonna be a bumper crop. if K-town doesn't get caught up in a friggin bushfire..

heh.. K-town.. finally a name for it that doesn't take up 12 letters..

in about two months this place is gonna look like a nursery! after all this rain my 30,000 litre tank is almost FULL and there's MORE TO COME!!! i can't tell you what a load off that is.. i was down to less than a third full a fortnight ago and was wondering how the fuck i was gonna raise the cash to get water carted in over summer.. but not now.. i can stop plugging up the bathtub permanently to collect shower after shower until it's deep enough to bother bucketting out..

it is SO CREEPY stepping into a bathtub to shower, where your own grotty water from the last four comes halfway up your shins.. brrr.. plus bonus bugs that have bounced off the window and drowned in it.. ugh.. drought sucks cunt.


thanks nature!


Anonymous Jen said...

Sometimes reading about your garden makes me hungry :)

BTW, I got my offer from VTAC today. I just have to enrol on Wednesday and I'll officially be a student in 2010! Some day soon I'm going to be a kickarse librarian.

12:32 AM  
Blogger mara - church wrecker said...

hey AWESOME!!! plus you'll be driving soon too! isn't it weird how planets align or whatever and all of a sudden you're filled with the driving urge to do new things that will make your life suck heaps less? congrats mate!

1:01 PM  
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4:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So what were your scores?

3:25 PM  
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