Wednesday, November 01, 2006

dracula's teabag

...used tampon... dracula's packed lunch?... a used pad... i wonder if he'd wring it out over a wine glass or just chew on it? anyway happy halloween bitches.. i am planting my garden today as it is the new year of the old celtic pagan calendar and seeing as they have festivals that centre around crops and the harvest and shit, i'm guessing that if my future vegetables were going to have a religion, it'd be paganism. i've shovelled alot of poo over the last few days, and i only saw the mystery men movie at dan's the other day, so for the moment i am the shoveller. my arms are getting pretty buff. the rest of me is still fairly wobbly.. and i have frogs in my garden!! i fucking LOVE those little cunts.. i was sure i had scared them off by getting a cat.. he has been known to give them a very hard time. one night i heard this screeching and i went out and there he is attempting to bat a poor innocent amphibian to death.. i had to rescue it, which was hard as it was dark and the frog was in it's cammo gear.. he told me later that he was the sniper sent in to exterminate the cat so all the frogs could move in, but unfortunately he had a weapons malfunction.. and another time i was digging the garden bed up with a pick axe and i swung and i looked down to swing again and there were two little things poking out of the dirt, jerking wildly. it was the lower half of a large brown frog. i was inconsolable. i still tear up just thinking about it. i just love frogs. sue me. my neighbours told me that it was most likely a "gobblebomp" which made me nearly pee my pants with laughter.. some naturalist actually named them that. apparently they make that sound. gobble-BOMP, gobble-BOMP.. so i hope it's making that noise gleefully in that big pond in the sky right now.. so i thought there had been enough random frog murders to discourage them from setting up here but hooray! i was wrong! i went to water some herbs the other day and fuck me, a little green bastard jumped out of one of the lettuce pots. naturally i started talking to it in excitement, as i am demented.. i love them even more now i have a garden as they eat slugs and other fuckers that would snack up my veg..
it's probably why i just hate french people too. but then again, whether they're eating my mates' legs or not, the french = generally shite. i want to put up my second greenhouse but just can't until i have an extra pair of hands here just to hold that one little bit still while i lash stuff together.. so fucking irritating.. now i know how my mum feels living life alone with just one arm. no shit. she has to wait for a visitor to come so she can get them to hold the ceiling cord still just so she can push in a new fucking light globe! way gay. ok that's me for this afternoon.. ps. frogs are cool as fuck.

1 Comments:

Blogger Jennifer said...

The French gave us Jean-Pierre Jeunet, who made Amelie, so they can't be all bad.

7:14 PM  

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