Friday, November 24, 2006

idiot savant.. with extra idiot

fuck me. i dunno whether to laugh or cry. well i've actually done both in the last few hrs. i rang the open uni correspondance people.. i had to defer 'intro to physics' a month or so ago cause with intro to chem simultaneously, i couldn't keep up.. which is weird cause usually i take on twice as much study as is recommended and ace fucking EVERYTHING. no joke. i am learning girl. that's why when i realised i couldn't juggle only two science subjects at once, i started to think that maybe i was heaps dumber than i had been led to believe. maybe getting on the presidents honor roll for my A+ average in the US for that years worth of subjects i did in three months was some kind of mistake. maybe americans just have a lower academic bar.. i really began to accept that somehow i was of below average intelligence.. i just couldn't understand the science subjects. i would read, and re-read, and re-read, and re-read, and get on the net and search and search for layman's explanations of these alien terms.. it seemed every sentence contained something i was required to know but just didn't. i had to hit my ancient dictionary several times just to make sense of a SINGLE PARAGRAPH in the text book/s. regardless my assignments and tests came back at around 90%.. but seriously.. i gave it everything to get that.. which sucketh.. as usually when i give it everything i have, my marks are off the scale. i couldn't understand why i was still getting around 10% of my answers wrong, after putting in such colossal effort. and why i was so BEHIND.. even though my marks are fine, why am i only halfway through the 4 month unit when i study so hard? the final exam is next week! why am i learning this so SLOWLY?... now i know. before i started these two science courses, i spoke to a student advisor who, after assessing my previous performance at college in the US told me just to jump straight into chem and physics and that i would certainly be fine. i don't think he realised that western history, sign language, BASIC algebra and the other six classes i took, had definately NOT given me a solid background in the sciences.. and the only science i took in high school (15 yrs ago) was psychology, which is more of a humanity than a science. so....... i called the co-ordinator saying that i was just having awful trouble understanding my tutor's comments (she does everything SO differently in comparison to the textbook), and that the way she answered any questions i emailed her confused me so much, that i had stopped asking her as i was afraid of the replies. they made me feel like i was being spoken to in chinese.. the co-ordinator looked at my file and said, well it doesn't say here on your record, so could you tell me where you did chem and physics in year eleven and twelve? i was like.. um.. i'm taking "INTRO to chem" and INTRO to physics" because i DIDN'T do them in year 11 and 12.. she was silent for a bit. so was i. then she insisted i tell her how the hell i had managed to get this far, with such high results, without any foundation knowledge. it still hadn't really dawned on me, so i said.. but aren't 'INTRO' courses supposed to GIVE YOU A FOUNDATION?!.... she goes "um...no..."........... *_*.......??? WTF???...."then why are they called "introductory" courses?".... "oh they mean 'introductory' at university level.. this is what you would take if you had done these sciences in VCE and wanted to extend that knowledge to become a scientist...." well fuck. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. FUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she told me that i shouldn't be too upset.. she said i had managed to write a story in a language i didn't even know how to speak.. but i still felt the overwhelming urge to kill her.. so much EFFORT! all that horrible horrible suspicion that i was a complete dumb ass, because after the third time going over something, i JUST didn't get it... i'm serious guys. it really fucked my self esteem. if i wasn't such a stubborn bitch cunt, giving up is what i'd be doing right now. but it looks like i'm going back to high school. i can't fucking believe it. lucky i can do it through CAE for cheap.. they have a subject over a period of a whole day per week, instead of 40 mins four days a week in an actual high school.. but it's still going to take me TWO FUCKING YEARS. i'm so disappointed. there are no intensive courses where you can just do yr 11 and yr 12 physics in 6 mths. you have to do it stretched out as if you had four other subjects to do simultaneously. same time frame as if you were doing your WHOLE VCE. which is a fucking joke. it's a fucking joke that really isn't very fucking funny..and i don't know how the hell.. man... CAE is in the city.. my garden, my cat, my home is out here.. a home that needs me to get a job to keep making the payments.. even if i commute to the city twice a week by train.. how am i going to support myself for two years?! i'm so pissed off! man, it was agony, but i WAS getting there.. but now i have to throw it all away. i have taken one step forward, now two years worth back.. on one hand i feel like a bit of a genius. on the other i just feel like an idiot. same ol same ol really. why do they make it so hard to learn? i just want to know about stars. it's like pushing shit up hill with my purple toe. anyone would think i was trying to assassinate the american president. god knows i'd have more support in THAT venture than i do in this one..

4 Comments:

Blogger Jennifer said...

Damn the academia and their misleading subject names.

You've got to be able to VCE subjects by correspondence somehow...

10:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You can, it's called distance education or something like that. Basically you enroll in the 'Distance Education' school and they will send you a book filled with the semester's worth of work - usually through the school/agency that you're doing your other VCE subjects through. In your case, wanting to do all of your VCE subjects through distance ed, you should be able to enroll directly with the distance ed school.

In my opinion what you should do is investigate whether or not they let you finish subjects when you're ready.

If they do just take 'em and finish 'em as fast as you can so you can get back to what you want to be learning!

If they don't then enroll with the distance ed folks in all of the subjects, surreptitiously so they don't kick up a sink about 'the proper order of the subjects,' and then do them at you own pace. When you feel that you are ready to go on with your uni studies contact your uni and ask them if you can have some 'recognition of prior learning' I believe is the technical term. You'll have to get them to understand your situation and the chances are good that they'll make you sit some sort of 'Science Aptitude Exam Thing,' which is basically their name for an exam that their faculty made up to see if you know your stuff.

On the other hand the distance ed people may have some sort of fast-track program or something like that.

Then again, they may not even offer the subjects, though I can't see why they wouldn't... I'll try and find out how to get in contanct with the distance education school, if that's what it's still called. Best of luck with it and keep us updated on how it's going!

11:11 PM  
Blogger mara - church wrecker said...

wow! thankyou!!! yeah i actually just got in touch with distance education and i have to prove that i am in an isolated area to be elligible to do vce via correspondance so i hope i'm far enough out to be considered.. i have to write them a letter or something.. but i had no idea that they sent you the semester's work all at once.. that's fuckin perfect.. thanks heaps!!! and my science subjects via open uni are deferred so i can basically take them back up in whicever study period i want.. no aptitude test required.. and no unfortunately there's no fast track courses anywhere.. which is totally fucked.. but i will find a way!! ta matey!!

12:27 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fucken awesome! If you aren't interested in the VCE certificate and only want to do the units for your own learning then you should be set, you wont have to worry about waiting a whole year till you can sit the final exam.

Yeah, I did a unit of maths via Distance Ed - 'cause the school I was at didn't offer it in the semester I wanted to do it in - and each semester they sent me this huge book with all the info, questions, practice tests and a subject outline with a recommended study progression in it. Only downside I can see for you is that you might have to buy another book for the subject! (they made me buy a book in addition to the one they sent me) :(

I don't think you have too hard a time proving your distance/hardship in traveling to a school, 'cause they let me get on the program when I lived right in the middle of Portland. I was only a 3 minute walk from the school in fact, a slow walk too! XD

3:26 AM  

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