Friday, September 21, 2007

'that fowl woman'

got chooks. will egg. they were like $2 each! brown. chipper. am in process of building the hen taj mahal in the back yard as they quietly poo all over the inside of a massive open topped box until it is finished. which may be a few days yet. i'm here in castlemaine internet joint pickin up my useless computer, but pickley pix reckons he can chuck the hard drive in one of his spares and i got a letter in the mail from the govt/council saying broadband would be available to my address soon which made me shart with excitement so i may be back on line in a few months. garden going spastic. anyone for rhubarb? strawberries should be mental in a month or two. and i got a SWEET cherry tree. and a mulberry. and blueberry. and raspberry. mmmmm. berrrrry. anyway my girls are in a box and i'm here when i should be there making a decent home for them but fuck them. they're chickens. i'm looking into getting something called a dutch barevelder which lays chocolate brown eggs but dunno if they are a breed that could handle the heat i get here. cat is jealous. i have over 400 seedlings on the go in me greenhouse. might sell em at the market if i manage not to kill them. paving out front almost done. business plan for bein a full time sculptress nearly finished. go me. i am the egg man. koo koo cachoo.
love yas
anyone wanting fresh air and sunshine and a bit o exercise, feel free to trundle on out for a weekend, i'd LOVE a second/third/fourth, etc set of hands for a few hours.. setting some fence posts in the ground, moving that fucking wood heater off the porch (just irritatingly small things i can't seem to manage with only two upper limbs) or i dunno, sittin round. but text or call me though. i dunno when i'll be in town next. cheerio chapperoos.

Monday, September 03, 2007


it is with pride that i inform you all that i have been effectively sacked. i was warned for a long time before it happened that my boss could be an unbelievable cunt and that he threw tantrums like an extremely violent fat balding three year old with a heart problem. before he had a heart attack apparently he was worse and used to throw spanners and other hardware at employees who happened by when he was in a bad mood. anyway he had to fork out 2&1/2 grand to repair one of the work vehicles. this made him angry. decided to come down to the field and tell us all that we were fuckin shit and he was howling in this high pitched squeal like a little stuck pig and abusing the hell out of us. all the men just stood round him in a circle and listened. as you all know i took enough shit from ill-tempered fuckwits in my years at the casino to fill my lifetime quota and this was my time to shine. i calmly told him not to talk to his employees like that. he told me "fuck up mara" at the top of his squealy little bitch voice. i walked right up to him in the middle of the circle of silent blokes and said 'calm down dave' well that had the desired effect and he fuckin totally lost the plot. he put his nose right up to mine and shouted right in my face 'FUCK UP MARA FUCK UP MARA FUCK UP MARA FUCK UP MARA' his face was so red and spit was flying into my eyes but i stood my ground and told him to calm down again. he turned his back on me and sounded like he was going to cry as he started to yell at the men again. i just thought. nuh. you talk to me like a cunt i'll talk to you like a cunt so in a sweet voice i said 'dave.. one day you're going to get your period and we'll also have to get you a bra and...' he flew off the fuckin handle, cut me off mid sentence, swung around and grabbed me with both hands while screeching like an old woman and tried to fling me. i stiffened and pushed my chest right up to his and slapped him really hard over his heart with the flat edge of my beetroot cutting knife and i growled 'DON'T YOU FUCKIN TOUCH ME' before one of the guys stepped in and pulled us apart. fuck it felt good. he waddled off with his tail in between his legs but he wasn't done.. he knows i hate the shed so he only puts people in there that on't mind it.. anyway i get up theremid morning and he says infront of everyone 'mara you're in the shed'.. i felt so good after getting the better of him that i didn't care as lunchbreak was comin anyway. he came into the lunch room and tried to tell me i was in the shed again after lunch and i said 'i'm not stayin in the shed dave' well round two had begun. he fuckin lost his ass all over the lunch room floor and i stayed as calm as a cucumber..
me: you're not the boss of me mate
dave: gvfijre;smijgvureo;smj!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**%&^%&^&%#%#&!!!!!!!!!!!!
me: you're only tryin to put me in there as disciplinary action when you're the one who fucked up and did the wrong thing.
dave; %^^&&#$(*#))$&&@#7*hrfjkg#&*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
me: no i'm NOT in the shed this afternoon dave and if that's a problem for you i'll have you up for assault.
dave:ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you fuckin do that bitch i'll call the cops and have you removed and and and and and AND AND AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
me: calm down dave. how many bunches of silverbeet are we supposed to get again?
me: whatever
dave: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (slams break room door...)




anyway i went to the field to pick beet for the rest of the day and there were no police there to cart me off as he is a total fuckin pussy.

i put in a report to senior constable Ferry of the ballarat police department stating that he went schizo with a knife in his hand and manhandled a female half his size infront of several witnesses who were willing to testify should i come to press charges..

i used to toss and turn, angry and sleepless after my daily run-ins with the cunts from work, as it really got to me that i wasn't allowed to stand up for myself without losing my job.

never again.

that night i slept like a fucking baby. a baby that had been heavily sedated and possibly concussed.

dave has not asked me back for any days of work since. quite frankly i don't think i'd go if he did.

schooled by a girl infront of his entire workforce.

eat shit motherfucker and hear me fucking ROAR.