Wednesday, April 25, 2007

the answer is... 42

the question therefore must be "how many sphincters are there in the human body?" to which the answer is actually 42.. which got me to thinkin.. where the FUCK are those 42 sphincters? well heart, stomach, genitals, anus, and eye are a few main ones.. alot of them are microscopic apparently.. but the eye one freaks me out.. the pupillary sphincter! heh join me on a journey into my disgusting freaky mind and imagine with me.. taking a shit.. with your EYE!!!!!!!!! eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!! do it!!! squint one eye and boggle the other one out and imagine pushing out an EYE TURD! ..the really disturbing part would be having to read the paper with your anus at the same time.. heh.. toilets would be alot smaller.. crying would be smelly and prolly be the direct result of eating too many green apples.. i could run with this for a long long time but i have to go study some quantum mechanics.. i really wish the dude who came up with the algorithm for electron configuration would do an eye turd.. after he'd eaten chilli.. bastard..

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

spill guts not blood

i have lost heaps of weight from being sick and just eatin vegetable stew.. all my pants look like clown pants. there is a scary amount of room in my bra.. think i'm down to an E cup! positively WASTING away i tell you. pickle came out here.. he made that weird yet delicious pork mince stew thing.. and bought out a chocolate babka.. i made pot cookies and we also drank and smoked some salvia.. SO FUCKING HIGH! we danced around the kitchen like little kids at a music festival and hallucinated a bit then ate waaaaay too much. next day we drove around butfuck towns but i was too paranoid to get out and mingle with any other humans.. i think i was high for three days.. pickle.. you're such a bad influence heh.. and NO! he didn't come out here cause i was all emo on my last post.. we had planned it a while ago.. by the way.. it's called VENTING people!! after whingeing my cunt off.. i had a really happy sociable week.. i'm going to talk about this now and if you all freak out then fuckin check your heads.. i came as close as i have ever been to committing suicide just before i posted last. i was reaching for a pen to write a quick goodbye. when i stopped myself. i thought about how i would do it.. i wanted to slash my cuffs and watch all the blood run out in the bath.. (too many zombie movies).. then i thought.. fuck! it'll be a fuckin MONTH before anyone finds me! i'll be a fuckin SOUP! i thought of the maggots.. and i felt concerned about the ick factor i would inflict on the finder of my carcass.. and who the finder may be.. how long it would take the cat to realise he better actually START CATCHING MICE as i wouldn't be able to feed him.. how long it would take the garden to die.. the electricity to get cut off.. the food in the fridge to go rotten.. the mail to overflow.. i called lifeline (i didn't want to inconvenience any family and friends by waking them up to dump all my shit on them).. and when i realised i just needed to whine and probably wasn't actually going to act.. i became embarassed and apologised to the counsellor and went to hang up just incase someone who was really about to top themselves was trying to get through.. and he kept me on the line.. and i didn't know why.. but now i do.. my point is this.. whether you're in a church in the middle of nowhere, in an intimate relationship with someone or surrounded by a crowd of beautiful happy people.. you can still feel totally fucking alone and if you're really really down.. you just have to express yourself.. no matter how stupid and emo and embarassing and fuckin inconvenient it is to you, your friends, your family or the random phone counsellor. just fucking talk.. yes some people will totally freak the fuck out when you do talk (or type) as they won't understand that by venting all the negative crap.. you're actually moving away from it.. if i was going to commit suicide the last thing i would be doing would be talking about it.. if i was dangerously depressed.. you wouldn't hear a thing from me.. suicide eventuates when you DON'T talk.. so talk.. talk MESSY.. and don't be concerned when i do! luv yas..

Sunday, April 01, 2007

head full o cheese

what is it with 60 yr old men? they think just cause i'm female and single that i'd be up for a fuck? god they shit me.. i've had two sleazy old guys make passes at me lately.. fucking retards.. i'm sick. i have a head full of snot. i'm pretty fit though so i reckon i'll be over it in three days instead of my usual three weeks.. but fuck coming to the city.. i'm over it.. it costs me $40 in petrol to get there and back plus the cost of whatever's going on.. movie, dinner, drinks etc so bugger you all. i've spread myself too thin.. now i'm exhausted and overworked and almost broke.. anyway going out season is way over.. fuck it's cold out here.. and i've given up on love too.. fuck it.. i'm gonna try and break my two year voluntary celibacy record.. i can't be fucked coming into the city and there's no one round here under 40 'cept the farmhand josh but he's 26 and is still the naughty child type. easy on the eyes though. i'm really behind in my chem and physics. and the place is filthy. i'm so physically tired from the farm work. there's so much to be done and i keep thinking.. i'm sick.. i'm lonely.. usually i'd go stay with my nanna for a few days.. her house was so clean.. she'd make me a big stew and by the time i'd finished it a few days later.. i'd be well again.. well rested.. loved.. in a clean, warm comfortable home.. with her in it. but she's fuckin dead!.. damn her!.. mole.. so i made myself a huge stew.. and put on her dressing gown.. used her old tea pot and strainer to make billy tea with gumleaves in it for the congestion like she showed me.. but it's nowhere near the same. it's so cold in here and crowded with junk and half finished bits of everything.. i'm so lonely. but fucked if i have the strength to do anything about it anymore. i think it's time to just let the madness of solitude take over. i have no energy or cash to spare on being sociable. i'm so angry at myself for getting this place out here sometimes.. but i can always find a reason to be angry at myself for anything.. oh.. i have a question for youse.. out of the two.. which would be better..
1. full time in a chocolate mill.. work weekends.. $14ph.. some customer service.. 30mins drive away
2. full time in a bacon factory.. 7am-3pm or 3pm-11pm.. $18ph.. no customer service.. 45 mins drive away
cough.. hack.. drip..