Monday, January 22, 2007

slim pickings

ok. i joined internet dating site. met about a thousand freaks with names like SENSUALDOLPHIN and SOHRNY4U but after wading through a sea of NO.. i have a few dates with some reasonable sounding dudes that resemble human beings from what i can gather.. the film freak from canberra on tues to see clerks 2.. the games animator with the fro on wednesday for some yum cha.. and there's another guy called suburbanwino i'm trying to squish in before i have to head home to save the cat from starvation.. but i may have to leave him til next week.. all of them make me laugh so it's a good start.. did i mention that i FUCKING HATE DATING?!?!?! i'm crashing at fleur's on tues night so i'll get to see her about as fat as she can get (two weeks til D day) so if it all turns to shit at least i will have caught up with my best mate one last time before she becomes a mother.. eeeeeeeeeeee!!! trying to squish a flick in with jen too but i dunno what's really going on with all parties yet.. the garden is back from the dead after all that rain.. i'm harvesting a meal every second day.. there's still so much stuff that isn't even half grown though.. i think it's going to all come on at once, so we may all be knee deep in purple tomatoes if they actually make it to color before autumn frost kicks in and kills all the plants.. big greenhouse nearly done so that should protect a few of them.. i wanna grow a shitload of melons in there too though.. applied for the job at QR the other day.. took me a whole friggin DAY.. god.. so many forms and questions and selection criteria and faaaaaaaaarrrk!!! i don't know what's going to happen to me.. i have been in a deep depression for about two weeks.. i think it was from being pretty drunk four fridays in a row + alot of smoke.. darn silly season.. anyway.. i'm off to toil upon the greenhouse again.. gardening is a song that never ends.. but man the little yellow squash with the flowers still attached taste fucking fantastic..

Thursday, January 04, 2007

what happened?!

guys i'm just coming round to relative consciousness like.. NOW! look the party was fun but not too wild.. but the leftovers!!.. i greened out for 3 days after everyone left.. just smoked leftovers and watched dvd's and ate leftovers when i got the munchies.. oh well atleast i ran out before the end of january.. imagine that.. "comin down comin down COMIN DOWN.. thump! ok.. out of grass now.. where did january go? why have i grown a beard?" heh.. *shaves a bit* as you can see i'm still a tad fried.. ok. a lowdown of the party for those who didn't get here.. people rocked up hours early, which was sweet.. but meant that i was in the bath.. and hadn't cleaned properly.. heh.. so they sat round and drank and helped me hang up a few things.. everyone was here by bout 7.. i PROMISED myself i wouldn't smoke until after midnight cause it makes me SOOO paranoid and i had a party to host but i had a joint stickin out my mouth by about 5.30 and was just DIVING into the cooking to avoid eye contact.. we had meatballs, apricot chook curry, cous cous, green and potato salad and pav for dessert.. there was baked mandarins with choc sauce later on.. but i was so stoned i forgot to cook the tomatoes and zuchinni and garlic but oh well.. i really should not have smoked.. some of my guests bought cactus juice and i really was lookin forward to a psychotropic night but we were all too lazy to go see the centre of the universe after so much green.. i dressed kana (sig's girl) up as an angel and wanted to dress others.. but then i got high.. i wanted to invent the hat of shame acts.. but then i got high.. are you sensing the general theme for the night here folks?! anyway before i knew it, there was no more cooking to hide myself in.. i was trying DESPERATELY not to be paranoid for the sake of my guests but i FAILED SO BAD!!! i was as jumpy as jumpy the jumping jolly jumper.. anyway i was like.. oh god variety show.. shitting myself cause my act was pretty out there and i was feeling rather inward.. i refrained from running out of the room screaming "get away from me all of you!!" by telling myself that it would be ok because i wouldn't be the first act.. first name outta the hat....................................................MARA.. i seriously think i had a fucking cardiac arrest right there.. i felt like someone just told me my whole family had been wiped out.. so i'm tryin to be brave and my legs were so wobbly.. i got upstairs and once in costume felt way better (god bless costume) then i shouted out 'ok someone please press play on the "burlesque stripper music".. then i came down, got onstage and started to do a striptease.. under my suit i had a red bra with nipple tassles a corset and stockings and garter belt, a small top hat.. heh HEHE! i swung my shirt over my head and threw my pants at people, i got off the stage and shook my rack in sasha's face which embarassed her greatly.. heh HEHEHE.. then i got back up onstage and bent RIGHT OVER as i pulled my knickers down.. ass out to the audience.. i stood up, took the hat off my head, pulled my large prosthetic hairy cock from underneath it's hiding spot in my corset, put the hat over it and turned back to the audience.. i gyrated a bit.. then flung the hat in the air and surprised them, parading my ridiculously large member around before knobbing everybody in the face with it.. then i took a bow and can't remember what i did next.. i may have fled.. i may have stood there talking with my cock out for a bit.. dunno.. mike and leila did the flintstones theme song on bongos and an occarina in animal masks and chinese dressing gowns, sig and kana did a martial arts demo dressed as chinks.. brett read poetry.. and this weird random stoner dude got up and did contact juggling.. jen.. i'm serious.. it was LABYRINTH CITY.. his ball was even CLEAR.. i should have done him up as david bowie before he did it.. but then i got high.. kazza showed us her colonoscopy video, i think i vaguely recall bijohn doing stand up, sasha piking out from fear, i interrupted mick's act so well he was too freaked out to go on.. (nice work me! it was accidental though) and anyone who didn't come prepared had to give us their life story onstage in five minutes.. but dammit now that i think of it.. i should have made them MIME IT.. CHANTER!!! after that there was alot more smoking, alot more paranoia and one known vommitting (there's always one) then we were all in friggin bed by 230 like a bunch of nursing home occupants!! nannas the lot of us.. i got up round ten and made a farmers brekky, then folks started leaving round one i think.. once they started to remember their own names.. the place was cleaner than when they got here.. so i think i should chuck another friggin party.. with proper notice and preparation.. and NO SMOKING for me unless i'm coming down or ready to go to bed!!! if anyone had the presence of mind to take photos (i know someone caught my striptease on tape.. eeeee!) please send me an email, i'd love to see them as i've forgotten what it all looked like.. when was it again? what happened? who am i?!