Tuesday, May 15, 2007

dudes with no skin

ok bitches. dead bodies ahoy.. meet at flinders st clocks at 3.30 on saturday 19th May.. wherefrom we shall embark on our voyage to the land of flayed carrion at the melbourne showgrounds.. come one come all.. I've seen alot of dead people but never without their skin RAA! *pisses panties in excitement*
and now.. meet mr T.. or T bar for short.. he, like the real mr T, exists purely to fuck shit up.. pity the fool chimney..

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

long live the queen

omfg! my mum has this bi-polar fag mate and he has a friend who lives over my way that is a 72 yr old cross dressing carpenter! he likes to keep very active and enjoys doing things for people so he came over last week, sussed me and me church out and has agreed to do my BENCHTOPS! and my built in robes! for FREEEEEEEEEEE!!! OMFG SO FUCKIN HAPPY.. we went out for coffee today and he brought a benchtop sample for me (with three different colored stains) and photos of some of his handiwork.. jesus.. i think more gay guys should get into carpentry.. talk about perfection.. plus he's just GORGEOUS! he whipped out some photos of his last fancy dress ball and my god.. he makes a more convincing woman than an actual woman does.. i HAVE to turn him into jackie O for a day.. or perhaps a burlesque take on the Queen.. he DOES have a nice leg..... must... nnng!.... put.... him.... nnnnng!.... in... CORSET!!! can't...... RESIST!.. nnnng!!

flipping out

i didn't get to the carrion exhibition and the random internet guy i bought condoms in order to have wild sex with stood me up.. but i still feel good cause i just met someone who's worse off! i just got inside from.. well.. i was staring out at the window the PRECISE moment that a ute skidded off the road and flipped three times in the air.. i grabbed me phone and dashed outside in me socks.. and was about to call 000 but i saw the guy crawling out of the ute unharmed.. it was upside down, bonnet to the ground.. the cab was FLATTENED.. i dunno how he wasn't hurt. the poor guy had just come from selling what he could salvage from his uninsured home which had just been burned down by vandals.. he had the remainder of his life in his big metal tool trunk which was attached to the tray of his ute (also uninsured and now totalled) which flew open on the first spin and evenly distributed his worldly possessions in an arc that stretched from here to fucking melbourne!!! as i, and later some other neighbours that heard the thud and came to suss, were picking his life out of the grass and putting it into boxes- he kept saying he was going to kill himself.. as he had nothing left.. i pointed out he had his health and told him my mum had lost her arm in a car accident and that he might not feel like it.. but he was far luckier than he may suspect.. but at the same time i was remembering what wanting to kill yourself feels like.. the hopelessness.. the inability to see anything except dying in a positive light.. and for him with the added bonus of shock.. but i just didn't know what else to say to him! i think he'll be ok though.. cause in the end there were seven of us (three of us small women two of them senior citizens and four men who were just as ancient heh) and we all pitched in together to turn his ute back over.. we loaded all his boxes into another guy's ute who gave him a lift to his destination.. it must have been a relief not to be alone in it all. i remembered when i was freezing and bruised with nothing left to my name after i had been robbed and stabbed in a place where i didn't even speak the language.. i remembered what a difference the help of strangers had made.. how much better it made everything feel afterward..
i used to dread being put in a position where i would be required to help someone cause i thought i'd be shit at it and just make things worse but i guess the country has beaten that out of me cause when i saw that ute flipping in the air i just snapped into action and was out the door almost before the bloody thing stopped rolling! i like emergencies. i feel normal when one is happening. i get calm and clear headed. emergencies good.. it's just all the rest of life in between them that i can find a bit panic inducing! anyhoos.. i'm trying to organise a group of peeps to go to the body world carcass exhibition i didn't make it to last weekend and i'm shooting for the 2PM on the 19th May so if any of you wish to come and ogle corpses text or email me and we shall go eat something really really slimy afterwards just to gross ourselves out.. i suggest sashimi.

Friday, May 04, 2007

chimney as my bitch

i have spent the last two days smashing into bricks with a sledgehammer.. my house and everything in it is covered an inch thick in dust.. and my god i'm sick of mushrooms.. they are exploding en masse out of the ground amongst the things i actually planted.. which apparently means i have fertilised my garden WAY too much.. oh well.. shrooms ahoy.. my shoulders and hands are so sore from swinging and hitting but i feel like an amazon.. with a mushroom farm.. so its all good and i can see the kitchen from the livingroom now! the chimney remains are below head level so it's only a few more days work.. and inhaling asbestos, huzzah! i'm trying to make it down tomorrow round noon for the bodywork exhibiton by that hunter von hagen dude that did the live dissections on sbs.. human bits here i come! it's at the showgrounds if any of you wanna come with.. jen tipped me off about it but i dunno if she can make it yet as i haven't been able to catch her up. then i will be going out to dinner with the random internet dude - i may even GASP- get laid! fingers crossed he's not a tool in person.. if he is i will settle for the fact that the food at viet star was worth the trip down.. mmmmmmmmm chimneys