Thursday, April 30, 2009

no chemistry

i'm a wee bit drained. i studied long and hard for a chem test today. when i got there.. my utterly incompetent dyslexic fuck-up of a chem teacher had served us up a test with material that she told us was not going to be on it. it's an assessed task. then she gave us HALF AN HOUR to do it.

i raced through the multi choice section knowing even if i only got half of them right it would be ok as they're worth fuck all marks... then i got half way through the first question.. and she called to put our pens down. there were three more pages to go. some of the stuff on the test i didn't even RECOGNISE...

when the ENTIRE class protested she said in her bogan drawl "uh down't wurrie, s'onee werth foive pussent o yer end a yeer mahk"...

she then launched into telling us that we were going to start the next assessment task right away... we have had an assessed task EVERY week since the school year began, barring the first class, and it has been utterly harrowing as she teaches us NOTHING.

she marks right work wrong and wrong work right... mixes up formulas and nomenclature and procedural directions at an alarming rate... then when you do as you've been instructed she tells you youre wrong.. and when you tell her but that's what you told us to do and even SHOW HER YOUR DICTATED NOTES she denies having taught it. twice this has happened WHILE I WAS BEING ASSESSED!

seven out of the eight laboratory experiments we have done in class have been abandoned halfway through because she always forgets something or tells us to do the wrong fucking thing and it fucks the whole experiment and she just goes oh well.. you can read about what happens online or something.

and oh god she's so fucking PATRONISING!!!! I AM 33 FUCKING YEARS OLD... she speaks to everybody as if we're fucking naughty children and i just don't know how she can possibly think that is ok at an adult school...

so today after that BULLSHIT "test" she launched right into telling us about how we were starting the next assessment task and i calmly put my pen down. walked out of the room. caught the elevator to level three. approached reception. began to tell the nice lady i wanted to withdraw from chemistry and burst into tears halfway through my first sentence...

they gave me tissues and pats on the back...

i love chemistry.

i worked so hard last year learning it all alongside the physics and math and i want so much to continue to learn about the bits that we are all made of and how they jizz together...

but no-one in that class is going to get a decent result. and a shitty score is not going to cut it if i want to get into astrophysics. it's such a shame... all that ass-busting effort.

i understand there's a teacher shortage and they can't fire her... no matter how many people complain...

no i cannot take it elsewhere as it clashes with my other classes at every other campus i have come across... no i cannot do it by correspondance it's a practical science and i tried it once before and found it wasn't right for me. it's just... gone.

i'm really sad about it.

am i gonna let one apathetic, condescending, lazy fat bogan retard to fuck up my future?


i'll see if i can take it when i'm already AT uni as a foundation course i hear that's insano-hard but it CAN'T be worse than this shit. she's just so lazy. i think she bombards people with impossible tasks and frustration in order to get EVERYONE to leave so she gets paid just to turn up and chapperrone three students who all learn everything from their private tutors. just so she doesn't have to mark anything.. or give a single fuck about her students...

man i'm angry.

on the bright side i have more time to dedicate to my other classes but




Wednesday, April 29, 2009


k so boring template is SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIT... i can't add gadgets and everytime i want to change or add something i have to deal with fuckin HTML!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh god i suck at computers... but i'm on twitter now and i've figured out how to work the webcam so i'm on youtube now... i am hermitstargazer and i did my virgin post a few days ago so check it out if you're really bored and don't have anything that's actually interesting to do... actually i'm about to post another video i made with my one-armed mother last night.. we were fuckin round with the mirror function on webcam and it looked like she had two arms again... my brain went into a tailspin... it was all... SHE HAS TWO ARMS!!! BUT THAT"S IMPOSSSSSSSSSSIBLE!!!!!!!!! NNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGG *has parallel probability crossover brain shart*

Monday, April 27, 2009


am back to mega boring generic template...


sides hurty from laughy

jesus christ!!!!! laughing this hard is painful...
god bless you buddy christ.

go go gadget freakout


just remembered this cool as hell thing that leila and jo accosted me with when i was BAKED as after cheech and chong... it's this computer programmy thingy and you put on head phones and it turns ANY background noise - people talking, banging things about, traffic etc into MUSIC!!!! it is by far THE WEIRDEST AND COOLEST THING I HAVE EXPERIENCED IN AGES try it! try it! try it! i'm pretty sure it would even be totally awesome if you were completely straight!!! actually it made me want to run away with it and sit in a corner and just play for the rest of the night so i had to take the headphones off before i went on a one way obsesso-trip to antisocial la-la land... i mean, you know... way more than usual

do it do it DO IT!!!!!

Saturday, April 25, 2009


what's in a name?



ok i've changed the layout


now if you would all please try and comment so i can see if it's decided to work again it would be much appreciated...

comment you fucks!

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

days of the dead

no rly.

i'm so OVER dust.

i keep getting this godawful rash thing from the latex mouth-cup of the respirator holocaust dust mask thingy so today i worked without it. upstairs where the batshit has been removed but there is still a WORLD of plaster and mortar dust... so i'm patching the place up and more plaster is fallin off and i'm patchin it up and more is falling off. you get the pic. i have run out of wall goo. of every description. must purchase more. cept have morn and nite classes tomoz so i'll be stayin in at nerd central so i can return to ballarat during store hours.

seeing as i'll be in the city til 9 doing loony-math i bade the nerds come and drink with me at the nearest tavern afterwards...

and one of them be on leave ar HAR!!!!!!!!

i sense a silliness descending



why am i so sociable lately? i think i must be all self esteemy cause i'm doing some hardcore shite and feel as if i'm a worthwhile hooman or something. maybe it's just the excercise giving me a bit o mental health. dunno but is ok. going out with mates is the shit.

recently a friend had the 3-yr-to-the-day occasion for the day her mum died. it was all very family and she said it left her mega emotionally drained. i sorta wanted to ask her questions but.... well..... emotionally drained!!! but i guess this is a general query thingy cause it just got me thinkin... do any of you cunts celebrate the dead? if so... how?

i'm PATHETIC with dates... if it wasn't for all the advertising i'd fuckin forget xmas. so i always forgot my nan's birthday and now i always forget her birthday AND her deathday. NNNNNG *tries to remember the date now* ah yes...

late morning, november 8th 2004 was when she last exhaled and i washed her body and put coins on her eyes...

then the funeral dudes took her away and later they GAVE ME THE CHANGE! wtf?

it was such a relief she was free after all that being-bedridden nonsense. she was such an active independant old bird. it must have sucked having me, or anyone, look after her... not like she was overly proud but there is a loss of dignity that comes with being cared for... especially if you are the type that has always cared for others, which she was. fuckin oath she was.

i wrote her a poem once about how she used to always be raking the her massive yard. and that i was like a pile of leaves that would again and again get blown all over the place and dispersed and mess the joint up after all her hard work but she would just patiently gather all my bits up again and put them back together into a neat little pile and stand-by for the next drug addled tornado police sex romp disaster.

it was very emo.

god... eeesh.... POEM?

it's often said that grandparents and grandchildren speak a secret language... i dunno bout the others cause both grandpas died before i popped out and the other granny lives OS. but me aussie nanna was the only person that put up with me.. never gave up on me even at my worst.. i'd come visit her all hungry and stoned and unwashed and fragile and strung out and she would INSIST that i was loved and worthy of existing... no matter how bad i was. and man.

was i bad.

she used to always take me to an arthouse film at the nova or the kino every wednesday and i'm sure we must have looked like an otherworldly odd couple with my mohawks and facial piercings and over-the-top-goth-punk-shit and her clean-cutski pensioner polyester frockage. she was very good at not giving a fuck about what you looked like on the outside...

i know she was a bit disappointed i wasn't showing off my nubile youthfulness and being pretty. what can i say? at 15 i was tired of getting hassled by the opposite sex, i mean: long blonde hair/athletic build/C-cups/virgin-i attracted so much sexual attention it made me wanna wear a fuckin sack...

so i made myself incredibly ugly and obnoxious and for the most part males would stare but stopped constantly trying to have sex with me... totally worked. cept then i was ugly and obnoxious for real. i've ditched the goth shit but the get-fucked persona still lingers. it's like ma default setting hehe.

i think about her sometimes... particularly when i have done something incredibly stupid or something accidental has comically hurt me... like a bucket fallin on my head... i hear her laughing at me...



yeah you heard me you crazy ol lady... ok so i talk to her alot too. but then again i have pretend conversations with heaps of the living... and also thin air... the cat... plants... stars... yadda yadda...

she used to always tell me "one day after i've kicked the bloody bucket you'll hear my voice comin in from outer space goin 'MARA PUT SOMETHING ON YER FEET'"

or "one day after i've fallen off the bloody twig you'll hear my voice comin from outer space and it'll be me, floatin on a cloud with louis armstrong singin 'what a wonderful world' and shoutin 'MARA HANG YER BLOODY CLOTHES UP'"

and you know what? I FUCKEN DO!!! i half ignore the clothes hanging thing but she totally conditioned me to wear slippers from beyond the fuckin grave. god i loved her...


whenever i think of her it is with warmth and reverence... and humourous irritation. but it's never on a particular day...

how does that work? i guess it's more a ritual for the living that are left behind... that's something i don't get cause me and my family don't do real emotion. we're not into sharing our real feelings...

well i like to, but my mum's weird and awkward and my brother and dad are fucking mental time bomb psycho nut-jobs who'd rather top themselves or torture the people around them rather than admit vulnerability, so i'm usually bailing up some mate or other- to spew emotional crap all over them or... uhhh


aaaaaaaanyway... yeah... how do you celebrate your dead?

i do it solo... usually laughing at some spontaneous rememberance of her being a tool.

and i feel her whenever my bare feet get cold.

or i look at clothes on the floor. or there's lint on my jacket. or my shoes need a polish. or my sock has a hole. or i use her old recipes. or ancient cookware... teapot... mixing bowl...

or i smell rotgut brandy.

or i hear louis armstrong.

or there's a SHITLOAD of leaves in my yard.

man... she's all around me fuckin everywhere!

and i'm sure Ibu is too...

ms. Manis... your daughter's company is a joy.

well done lady!

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

poll results

due to post-a-comment malfunction, i am going on poll results submitted via SMS, which are as follows... WAG:3 votes, NOT TO WAG:0 votes... so hence waggage. tis early morn as i awoke with lots of school based intentions but checked my phone and was told that leila and mr and mrs wink all thought that i should be truant.


i flipped a coin too. cept it was real dark at 5.30 am and i was still bleary eyed so i flipped it and it fell on the covers.. heads=stay...

then i was like no that's not cricket and i flipped it and caught it and it was tails=go

then i was like no that's one a piece now... next flip is the charm...


thing is with all that flippin and catchin i'm fuckin AWAKE NOW since the alarm went off at 5.30. i'm kinda ready to go too but damn it's COLD and DARK so i'm waitin a bit before i brave the outside to run into the church for clothes and food...

oh and yay the frosts are here to make mornings ever the more enjoyable GODDAMMIT BRING BACK THE SUMMER!!!!!! i don't CARE how many bushfires!!!

so glad the degenerate potheads put forth their opinions.

totally legit school cut.



ah well i'm going in on thursday for the chem excursion and specialist math and i won't have to stay in the city as it's all in one day so thanks chanty-pants but i shall not be needing your spare room this week... next week though!

i am heartily endeavouring to make the church habitable by wed night.

if it's not done by then fuck it i'm moving.

to the town of lesser butfuck, idaho.

i hear they have very little guano there.


comments? questions?

well fuck my ass!

i thought no one at all (bar possibly jen and chanter) was reading all this psychobabble i have been ejculating but it turns out there are a few of you (clearly more people have less of a life than i thought..) but you can't lemme know how hilarious/boring/obnoxious or right/wrong i am cause the comments feature does nae work.

ass crackers.

i have no idea how to remedy this situation.

actually i would sacrifice ma new sweet as death template to get your comments. they are like crack. it's amazingly re-assuring to know that i'm not just going BLAH BLAH BLAH into the fucking void when i'm blogging like i do when i'm in my livingroom and my kitchen and my garden etc etc etc. sometimes i think the plants can hear me but the poor bastards prolly just wanna be left in peace. chickens can only hear me as food. i am one pink pixel in their four pixel life-screen.. and that's only when i have grain, water or kitchen scraps. the others are green for grass, yellow for hay and grainy for bugs. and that's all. aliens could land infront of them and emerge festooned in tutus and strap on cocks, screaming hallelujah and chooks would just ignore them unless their ship looked like a big corn kernel- fuck they are so mindbogglingly simple.

oh this just in. still in caravan. caravan has no cat door. i have been ignoring pod at night as the bed's not big enough for us both and he won't leave me to sleep in peace with the whole "lemme the fuck out""now lemme the fuck in" shennanigans... so he has found a way to get my attention through the vinyl of the pop-top section...

he climbs the nearby oak tree.

he then flings himself to the roof of the very wobbly caravan which makes a very loud noise and rocks the van like a hammock.

he then maows and maows and maows


and if i don't talk to him while i'm trying to sleep, he just starts scratching at the vinyl roof madly, tearin it up with his claws, til i scream and open the door and throw my slippers at him.

or hug him.

depends how cold it is.

anyway it's nice to know there's people out there, chuggin through my daily crap.

will remedy the comment thing soon.


Monday, April 20, 2009

to wag or not to wag

that is the farkin question.

i'm tired and i haven't partied like that for a while and i'm still up to my neck in batshit and couriers are coming and i just want another week of holidays... so i'm takin an online poll...


i would miss out on a chemistry excursion and it means i'd be doing two tests straight up if i went back next week instead of this tuesday...

sigh. but i'd get the place ship shape. dunno how much homework would get done..

i haven't missed a single day this year yet.

tell me what to doooooooooooooooo!!!!

Wednesday, April 15, 2009


i'm over it.

i finished laying down the paper last night... then i lined the joint with greenhouse plastic to catch the rain of batship dripping from the rafters 24/7 cause i can't put the insulation down til i wire the joint up and i'm waiting for the wire to arrive as i bought it on ebay and it is being shipped from farking brisbane...

*tap tap tap*

waiting waiting..

in my mum's crappy little caravan...

note to self... next time there's a windstorm and i am in a caravan trying to sleep... go outside and sleep standing on my head... it would be more successful... no shit i feel like a pirate of the high seas the way i've been flung around the cabin all night.

i bought a fold down attic ladder... takes two people to install it though... if anyone wants to come up in the next few weeks i will have the place cleaned up by then... and we can have a nice hobo bin fire (not that we'll need to as the split system will keep us toasty warm) and i will cook nice food.

actually i should be inside vacuuming everything i own and dusting off every little nook and cranny at the moment but i'm not. it's cold and i'm miserable and sore . i can't be fucked getting up on a ladder to vacuum down all the walls and architraves with hay and cobwebs crusted in bat-turds dripping from them. crawling all over the altar at scary height with a dusing mit and vacuum nozzle just doesn't appeal to me at the mo. i'm on fuckin strike.

i can't be fucked plugging up the access hole to the attic and oh my god there's so much to do i haven't studied one single bit and school goes back next tuesday.


i'm sure almost inevitable pot consumption this friday will NOT help.

the pot luck at chateau geek the following night may take the razor edge off ma nerves though.

my thighs keep going to sleep! i've been squatting across joists all week and my hip area has gone all weird... it's EVIL!!! i can feel hot and cold but i can't feel pressure!!! it's just odd.

and prolly a brain tumour or something




Monday, April 13, 2009

gifts for geeks


is it a ufo? is it a juicer? will we ever know? the juice is out there.

would you like a little transcendental number in your drink?

now you can identify all the chemicals present in the town water you are bathing in... periodic table shower curtain... why the garish colors?

when you have no non CGI friends, these guys will see you through

now you can make inanimate objects into friends with stickers... oooooh i think you're hot mr cup ooooh ms stapler you are a saucy stationary appliance...


Sunday, April 12, 2009

pic purge

ok i need to get this out there so i can delete it from my inbox because it's been there for AGES and i just can't let it go... leila sent it to me... it's haunting... ok the girl is awesome... but it's the HORSE in the PIT in the background that just makes me go... um... WTF?

oh and then there's this guy... i couldn't even see any of the geeks from balwyn gettin this scary... well maybe rhys...


Wednesday, April 08, 2009

dust bunny

bloody hell. the insulation paper is half down... that blue/silver shite... haven't even started the bat installation yet... i almost had a mental breakdown today. there's a reason i haven't started the roof escapade until now... i knew if i started it i'd be trapped doing it for weeks. and lo! i spake the truth. mum ended up leaving her caravan here so i had somewhere to sleep that wasn't knee deep in batshit and dust. everything's covered with sheets and the stuff that isn't.. man.. it's gonna take DAYS to clean that crap off everything.. and that's AFTER the bats are installed.

i go up there this morning to finish off the last bits of shit shovelling and sweeping and vacuuming and there's ACTUAL BATS up there... thing is they kinda throw their little batty voices (fucking sonar!!!) so you can't tell where the frak they're coming from... i'm holding a clip-on lamp and balancing/staggering on dodgy rafters swinging around and around looking upwards, trying to find where the highly annoyed turn-off-the-light-IT-BURRRRRRNS screeching is coming from and i finally found them clawing along some top rafters amongst the cedar shingles with their creepy little hooked wings like they were people dying of thirst, grasping along the desert floor toward water. if said people were really really ugly. and tiny. and nocturnal. so i had to vacuum up a whole new bunch of bat droppings after i had just cleaned it all up... so i left the place BLAZING with clip-on lamps tonight... like to see em feel at home in THAT!

aaaanyway so i've been up in that frakkin roof for what seems like an eternity and all last night i was waking up AGAIN AND AGAIN with a fright cause i kept dreaming i had missed a rafter and fallen through the dodgy ceiling boards.

in startling WTF news... it turns out cats can climb steeply positioned ladders with freakish ease.... then walk all over dodgy, creaking ceiling boards that you yourself would fall through... as they groan under the weight... and rain rotting wood chippage on the furniture below.. (trust me the cat doesn't and won't give a fuck until he is suddenly falling through the air)... cats can also meow incessantly, trapped in your roof cavity, unable to back down a steeply positioned ladder... then when they realise their human will not be playing "fetch the cat from the attic" all week... it is surprisingly capable of launching a kamikaze style frontwards crash-down somersault approach to descending from on high... it goes a little something like this...









those bats, if they survive, will regret the day they ever called my attic home.

if they can ever get access to it again.. i'm going to wire it up from the inside like a big cage they can't get into... which will take ANOTHER day before the insulation bats go in... looks like this caravan will be home for a while... lucky i'm comfortable with being white trash eh?

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

batshit in the bellfry

ok it's officially official. bats are crap. actually bats are awesome it's bat crap that is crap. i have spent the last two days scraping and scooping and sweeping and vacuuming batshit out of the church roof so i can lay down insulation... well.... bats. it's bat-a-palooza up there. i have filled approximately twenty shopping bags. it's like fucking Naru here.

'parently is good for garden. but no good to inhale. due to some freak ass creature of satan bacteria thingy, inhaling batdust can actually put you in hospital. so i have been wearing a holocaust mask.. the kind with dual round filters... it hums and vibrates when i inhale and makes a soft thud noise so i feel like ripley in aliens with one of those tracking devices... thud... thud... closer... thud... is it a huntsman??!?! thudthudthudthudthud. it's right ONTOP OF ME!!!!!!! THUDTHUDTHUDTHUD AH EEEEE!!!!! .....MY ABDOMEN!!!!!!

you would be amazed at the amount of skeletons i found amongst the batshit. it's like a little graveyard up there... skeletal birds and mice and bats and bits of eggshell and huntsman eggsacks and redback eggsacks (!!!!) (don't worry they were REAL old.)

Then there was this colossal rats nest (it was about a hundred years old) i reckon those fuckers trucked a whole bale of hay up there in their time. i'm surprised they didn't master agriculture and animal husbandry and build ziggurats... it's like the fertile crescent in that roof cavity.

split system has landed. 'cept i can't use it on account of all the batdust that fell through the dodgy ancient ceiling boards. it's coated everything in airborne toxic waste. can't actually do ANYTHING in there until i've finalised roof dust management and moved down to living-space dust management... so at the moment i'm sitting in my mum's caravan kidding myself i'm goin to get some sleep on this fold down table contraption thing while she snores in her luxurious DOUBLE fold down contraption thing.

livingroom currently full of R4 (highest thermal rating) ceiling bat packets. so when i put them up there tomorrow i will be providing plague proportion rodents from a radius of approximately one kilometre with building materials for their nests... they excavate holes in between the foundation stones and get in under the floor and up into the walls up to the roof.

so when i install battage on the morrow, i will also install complimentary snack trays of ratsack. fuck it... if pod eats a rat that has eaten ratsack and has somehow made it down from the roof, through the walls and out into the open, he's just going to die. his number will be up. fuck him. i have a stash of tasty chicken necks for him and i'm going to keep him insanely well fed so that his urge to devour rodents is markedly reduced... mind you it's pretty lax most of the time so there's prolly minisculae danger... useless cunt.

speaking of soft dead things-here is something awesome:

Sunday, April 05, 2009

imbalance of wrong

k so check the awesomeness of ma new template... this blog is having ever-lesser shit to do with wrecking a church in the middle of nowhere... but rest assured... i'm still wrecking ma church.. split system goes in tomorrow-betcha bottom dollar that tomorrow-come what maaaaaaaaaaaay...






actually this new blog scene is just so awesome i just simply must balance it out with a whole bunch of UNAWESOME....


this is your life

why does everyone that follows the beaten sheep track look sidelong at me disdainfully like i'm some crazy ass threat when i go to hack and slash my own way through the chaos of this woodland universe? the older generation are the worst. (my neighbours are the latest to jump on the "let's bash mara's lifestyle choice" bandwagon. apparently i'm a time-wasting, tax-payer's money squandering loser.)

if it wasn't for people like me there would BE no beaten sheep track for them to follow. they would just pile up like humans coming out of a toothpaste tube, squashing each other all starving to death and still pushing out more babies and defecating all over each other and dying all over each other and eating each other to survive because there would be no one to carve out that first path in the beginning. i have a place in this world DAMN YOU! unfortunately the title stipulates this place comes along with a lifetime of criticism for doing the hard mental yakka that keeps us evolving as a race, instead of just shooting children out of my vagina and living life on default.

i'm beginning to see people like chickens. you hand them a bowl of clean water and they shit in it and you give them a throw of grain and they walk all over it and scratch it into the dirt and wonder where it went when they go to peck for it. then they flap in your face. god forbid if you make them an origami statue of a microbe, they may try to scratch your eyes out in worried confusion.

if i fall on my ass and give up there will be every person i've ever come into contact with (bar a few-you know who you are!) in some form or another looking down at me crying in a puddle of my own filth and they will say "see... you're fucked now and we are satisfied that we are right in telling you that you made the wrong decision when you decided not to use the existence wizard doled out to you by society."

and if i succeed, i will be one of "those" people for which there is no formulaic explanation for but of whom there are quite a few (and needs to be more... JOIN USSSSSSS!!!!!)... and we all know... if there's enough people behind a way of existing then it must be acceptable even if BUGOCK we don't get it but still... they're weird let's lynch them if we're ever given a chance in the name of community solidarity... those people that want to think outside the box think they're better than us... GET THEM! bugaaaaaawk!!!! beat them down until they know that THIS is how you are supposed to live:



you will be unsufferably lonely until you find a companion to bear witness to your futile existence.

you will get a job.

any job.

all work is awful.

there is no career satisfaction.

you just have to work.

you will fall in love.

this will be your only relief.

this love will lead you to reproduce.

you will pay your taxes and eat three meals a day.

you will cast your vote and be under the assumption that it has some sort of relevance and that you are therefore responsible for whatever the government decides to do.

you will be so busy working and being a parent that the broader picture as far as your species in its entirety is concerned-will be of no interest to you beyond recycling your tin cans, growing some vegetables and possibly driving a hybrid.

when you can no longer work you will suck on the public tit until you die.

you will not argue unless instructed to by propaganda or a hormonal imbalance.

you will not question unless prompted.

and above all you will not actively search for an alternative to this life.

this life will give you what you want.

what you want is security and comfort.

this life contains all the meaning you will ever need.

living this life gives you licence to persecute anyone who does not also live this life.

for if you do not live this life you are clearly an enemy of the people.

if you do not live this life you are in opposition to everything held dear by everyone else in the entire world.....

and ohhhhhhhhhhhh we will punish you.

we will scorn and reject you, ostracise you and disapprove of everything you do and only when (and if) your spirit sucuumbs to the unyielding torture, when you have become a bitter, cold, damaged, banished outcast, will we use you as an example with which to scare our children into living the same routine of prescribed drudgery.

does this sound fucking familiar to anyone?


is it just me?

am i really that alone?

it's statistically impossible!

ISN'T IT?!?!?!?!?!